Difficult: Mothering Challenging Adult Children through Conflict and Change

Book Synopsis: Told from the perspective of mothers who've lived it, Difficult focuses on mothering challenging adult children.   "This fine book will be profoundly helpful to all the women who needed it yesterday."  Mary Pipher best selling author, Reviving Ophelia and Women Rowing North.    "Any mother with difficult children who reads this will undoubtably no longer feel so alone.  It is a book of despair and of hope - anger and love."  Prof. Nancy Hooyman, Ph.D.    "Professor Smith examines the many ways that mothers are profoundly affected by the struggles, sorrows, and needs of their adult chldren."  Dr. Joshua Coleman, Ph.D., Psychologist and author of Rules of Estrangement: Why adult children cut ties and how to heal the conflict. Difficult brings to life the conflicts that arise for mothers who are confronted with the unexpected, burdensome, and even catastrophic dependencies of their adult children associated with mental illness, substance use, or chronic unemployment.  Part I illustrates how different women experience the stressors and worries they encounter with their challenging adult children.  Part II introduces a model for considerring changes in a mother's current situation  Part III provides illustrations from women's lives of actins taken that helped them and/or their adult children.  A comprehensive appendix of resources for help are included.  Through real stories of mothers and their challenging adult children, this book offers readable, provocative, and, at times, shocking illustrations of the excruciating maternal dilemma: Which takes precedence—the needs of the mother or of the distressed adult child? Difficult addresses a family situation which too many keep secret.  How do I protect my child without hurting myself?What did I do wrong that my child treats me with such disrespect?How do I handle the disappointment that I feel?How do I forgive myself for the mistakes that I made?Why can't anyone suggest a solution that can help me and my child?What is wrong with our mental health and criminal justice system?How can I enjoy my later years and take care of my adult chlid?  Dr. Judith Smith speaks empathically to parents, acknowledging and illuminating the embarrassment, shame, and helplessness that women can feel when their adult children's problems puncture their own feelings of self-worth. In the absence of sufficient supports and affordable housing for persons with mental illness or substance misuse disorder, mothers feel that they have no choice - "if not me, then who?" Unpaid and unrecognized maternal caregiving work continues to limit women's quality of life, even, into their later years. Smith addresses this as a societal issue which requires structural solutions.  Difficult is for parents, concerned family and friends, health and mental health professionals, and policy makers. The book provides resources for women to find social support, stay safe, and engage in self-care.